“Quick! Grandma’s stolen the diamonds again!”

My fiancée is a zombie.

I know, I know, labels. But seriously, she’s hot. Still pretty fresh, like, she’s not rotting super quickly. Not that I’d mind - I mean, beauty is far deeper than skin (even if that skin...

From Vol. 100, Issue 18

From Vol. 100, Issue 17

They’re ugly cuz they’re wrinkly. Embrace wrinkles. They add character!

They’re repulsive because they smell & taste like fish. Fish is good for you. Eat it!

They should remain closed and untouched until they are ready to procreate.

WAIT, just...

My dad has one. I started out as the twinkle in his eye, shot through his heat-seeking love missile, and ended up a star! – so the story goes.

I used to think having one would be easier. Periodic calls...

From Vol. 100, Issue 13

From Vol. 100, Issue 14

From Vol. 100, Issue 15

From Vol. 100, Issue 16

From Vol. 100, Issue 11

From Vol. 100, Issue 10

Frantic mind Sad and Confused Unspeakable thoughts Never spoken

Racing heart Skin trembling Mouth is dry Don’t know why

Nothing but darkness No light to see My body is numb Emotionless pain

Cold Heart No longer beats Silent Musings That...