Q-Mail: Nightlife

Dear Quintilius,

I’m new to Brandon and was curious what the night life is like or what there is to do for fun?

Sincerely Searching For Fun


Dear For,

I see you are engaging in the long Roman tradition of getting “shitfaced,” and you have come to the master for advice. Well let me tell you old Q had many great times around every corner of the Mediterranean. Oh many a nights I would strip down to my britches and party throughout the streets of Rome with the plebs. From the corner of the Regia when the OG Caesar was in charge until St. Peter’s Basilica had its opening night. There was once a time, during the Crusades, I got so loaded with some mortals I convinced the group of rabble to attack the usurper city of Constantinople. Talk about some good times, boy did we ever teach those Roman-wannabes a lesson.

Alas we are not by “Mare Nostrum” but in the middle of Manitoba. Th ere is literally nothing to do. (To answer your question bluntly: The nightlife is dead, fun is dead, Brandon is literally the place where dreams come to die.) A few pubs, bowling alleys, Escape rooms, Laser tag, movie theatres, concerts, sporting events etc. Nothing you should find really that fun. If you want a real good time you should sail to Italia and start rebuilding the Eternal City so The Empire can once again be the leading world power. Truly a much better way to spend ones time than any(thing else) of that other stuff.

All Salute The Eternal City,

Quintilius of Rome