By Jessica Redekopp
In a previous article, it was made clear that pain during first time sex is not a required experience for those with a vagina. In said article I brought up two myths that often get thrown around incorrectly as the cause for this supposedly “necessary” pain. In this article we will cover the second myth related to the idea of “vaginal tightness”. It is sometimes believed that first time penetration has to be an unpleasant experience for those with a vagina, because they are physically “tight” on the inside and they need to be loosened with sex. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of how the vagina works. It’s important to stress that there is no physical difference between someone who has had healthy penetrative sexual relations and someone who has not experienced any form of penetration. The body is the same. Vaginas, like penises, vary in size and shape person to person, based not on sexual activity but based on the individual's body and genetics. Pain is no more necessary the first time as it is any other time you have intercourse.
The vagina is not permanently stretched or loosened by penetration. It is full of elastic tissue meant to stretch to the size of an infant and return to its same rough size and shape in the months following. The vagina is designed to stretch and retract many times and to various sizes all throughout a person's life. Even those who have had more than one vaginal birth won’t necessarily be any looser than before, while they may still experience changes to the internal layout and feel of their vagina in other ways. If they do experience a loss of elasticity as a result of multiple births, this can also be remedied by pelvic floor physiotherapy (a useful tool for those who struggle with muscle tension in the area as well, as it can teach you how to properly relax the pelvic floor muscles).
When aroused, the vagina becomes more open and stretchy to allow for safe and comfortable intercourse. When a person is stressed or not aroused it is “tight” and is less stretchy/may cause discomfort while stretching. How tight a person feels has nothing to do with the amount of penetration they’ve experienced, but has everything to do with their arousal, muscle tension, and hormone levels. Even a woman who has had decades of sex and several children can feel too tight to comfortably have intercourse if she’s not aroused enough, adequately relaxed, or if she’s struggling with hormonal changes such as menopause.
Age can also play a role as it is possible for the vagina to lose some of its elasticity with age. This, however, is not guaranteed, and older women may instead actually struggle with difficulty stretching and subsequent painful sex as a result of other factors of aging. Many post-menopausal women (many of which have had decades of sexual experience and many of which have had children) can need to use the smallest speculum during vaginal examinations due to hormonal changes making it difficult for them to stretch comfortably or simple individual differences in vaginal canal size.
Like it was stressed in the previous article, the most important takeaway to prevent pain during sex are to take ample time for foreplay/preparation and use adequate lubrication. Starting slow may be the best bet. Preparing by using fingers or gradually increasing the amount or size of an item used can give your body time to adjust (temporarily) rather than jumping straight into a partner or a larger object. Your body retracts to its normal size within a few minutes to a day or so after penetration (varies person to person) so it’s important to prioritize being slow and gradually adjusting each time you are experiencing penetration if you want to limit the likelihood of pain or injuries. It’s also beneficial to know your body and how your muscles work in the area so you can relax them when engaging in said activities. Discomfort can be part of the learning process, but it’s important not to push yourself or ignore pain and risk injury. There is a difference between a mild discomfort from a stretch, which can often be avoided but is generally non-harmful, and pain. Once you have a better understanding of your body, you’ll be able to know your limits and what you need to prepare for safe penetration, and the process will become easier. Learning these things on your own first may be easiest. When with a partner it’s important to prioritize consent, safety, and comfort above all else. Remember to stop if you’re ever uncomfortable, physically or emotionally. You can also do more foreplay and try again, or try again at a later date and see if you have success.
Sources: “Is it possible to tighten your vagina?” Planned Parenthood; “The Virginal Speculum and Its Myths” Sarah A. Walser