Dear Glow Cloud,

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you care about typos in a text message?

Sincerely,

Forever Autocorrupted

Dear Inattentive,

Your typos in text messages give me mixed feelings. Your typos anywhere give me mixed feelings, actually.

On the one hand your allowance of incorrectly spelled words in your messages tells me that you are inadequate and should not have control of any messaging device. Depending on the severity of your typos, I would consider saying that you should not have the ability to communicate with other people at all, lest you infect their working minds with whatever has caused your own to malfunction.

On the other hand, however, your inattention to details such as typos bodes well for me. This means that you will be a much easier person to enslave with my mind control as I won’t have to battle against your own mind. Rather it would be as simple as walking into an empty room: delightfully so.

All hail,

Almighty Glow Cloud

Republished from The Quill print edition, Volume 107, Issue 29, April 11th, 2017.