By Peter Odeyemi
Some relationships today are somewhat healthy and might seem “perfect,” but I personally believe no relationship is flawless or perfect. Most relationships are affected by external factors, such as social media, opinions of friends and family, and societal norms. Everything about relationships and dating is opinion-based, and is best communicated between the partners involved to prevent disparity, which is why communication is important in a relationship. This is also important to talk about because a lot of people treat their romantic relationships like it’s a do-or-die affair, almost like they're being trapped in a cage, when in reality they’re just making a fool of themselves by not realizing it's a CHOICE to be in such a position. Here are six commonly debated questions surrounding romantic relationships.
Can controversial values lead to relationship conflicts? TOTALLY YES. This is a topic that is unavoidable in any long-term relationship, either platonic or romantic, especially surrounding topics such as politics. Social media also plays a part here, as people tend to see their partners as a stereotype of what they see online. Having different opinions and values is totally normal, but not when it comes to matters like human rights. For instance, imagine dating someone who believes a very negative stereotype about people of colour and has tendencies to be racist, and still calls that having an “opinion.” So yes, controversial values can play a huge role in relationship dynamics.
Should texting be constant or limited? It depends. Some find constant communication as a way to keep in touch regularly, but at some point, it feels tiresome (at least to me). Communication is good, but constant texting at all times just feels overkill at some point. Talking once in a while, giving regular updates about your day, should be enough.
Is constant jealousy a warning signal or proof of love? Some may find jealousy attractive or hot, but it gets to a point where it gets toxic and most likely stems from insecurity, low self-esteem, or obsessiveness. I feel jealousy in relationships is normal, until it reaches an unhealthy point, like getting jealous of partners’ interactions with friends or strangers, or being scared your partner is going to cheat on you. Extreme jealousy is a genuine concern in relationships because it could escalate to abuse and violence - so either it gets sorted out, or you get a breakup.
Should couples discuss past partners? In knowing your partner, you have to know the person they currently are and who they were. This conversation should be had when both partners are emotionally ready to discuss past relationships. Although some may disagree, as not everyone is interested in who you met up with at a bar 3 years ago, it's also key to know a little bit of your partner’s dating history to approach certain issues and understand more about who they are.
Is it okay to check each other’s phones? Personally speaking, if you have nothing to hide, you won't have any issue with sharing passwords or giving your partner access to your phone. Some may see checking each other's phones as a violation of privacy or signs of trust issues, but if you feel the need to check your partner's phone, they should know about it. Even couples who see checking each others phones as a sign of trust may change their minds if it’s done when they’re not around. It should come from a point of curiosity, not trust issues, because 90 percent of the time whatever you’re searching for on their phone can be resolved by open communication.
Should parents influence who you date? Very controversial take, but to some extent, yes. Parents can play a supportive role in dating by offering guidance and support, but they should also respect their child's autonomy and personal choices. Healthy relationships require setting boundaries, including how much say parents have in dating choices. I believe the parents are allowed to have opinions on their children’s partners, but not choose who they date.
Although some of these may be controversial takes and subject to contrary opinions, it's important to know that open dialogue and communication between partners is the solution to any relationship disagreements.