SERC 101: getting better in the bedroom

File photo. (e pants / Flickr)

I just started a new relationship and really like this guy.  The problem is the sex.  Our first few times have been very awkward and disappointing.  What can I try to improve things in the bedroom?

First of all, remember that sex isn’t great every time, especially when you are just starting out and both of you are getting to know your partner’s likes and responses.  Also, if you are newly sexually active, are you personally familiar with what is good for you – where and what kind of touches feel good to you and increase your sexual excitement?  You might want to explore questions such as whether intercourse will bring you to orgasm, or if manual clitoral stimulation or oral stimulation works better?  Masturbation (self-stimulation) is a good way to find out what turns you on, so that you can help your partner do the same for you. 

Are there other things you are concerned about which may make sex less pleasurable?  For instance, are you worried about pregnancy, or STIs?  If this is the case, it is important to use birth control with which you feel comfortable, and which is reliable.  Using a condom as dual protection to prevent STIs will give you further peace of mind.  Furthermore, make sure you are comfortable with where you are having sex, so that you are relaxed (and not worried about someone walking in on you).

Sex improves when you and your partner are able to communicate your thoughts, feelings and desires. Start with a few simple things that you know work for you, and ask your partner what works for them.  Sex will also improve with practice if you and your partner are willing and thoughtful about it.

Good luck in the boudoir!

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Information provided by the Sexuality Education Resource Centre. Please visit to get more information.

The information provided in this article is not intended as medical advice. Should you have any questions, please contact your health care provider.

Republished from The Quill print edition, Volume 103, Issue 27,  April 2, 2013.