(This article was written for The Quill’s April Fool’s Day edition, The Swill, and is therefore entirely fictitious in its content.)
Merv Tweed, Member of Parliament for Brandon-Souris, briefly spoke with The Swill on Friday in order to discuss the Government of Canada’s new initiatives to support students at Brandon University. Questions were sent in by students and faculty members through Twitter. This interview has been edited for length and content, and we have retained the original spelling and phrasing of all questions received.
The Swill: Good morning, Merv. Thank you for speaking with us today. We have asked the students to send in their questions to us through the micro-blogging and social network service, Twitter. Are you ready to start?
Merv Tweed: I’m always ready to answer students’ questions.
TS: Our first question comes from Theodore K., @GaminWitTheo. He asks, “Merv, tuition is crazy expensive these dayz!! Wut you gunna do bout that, bro?”
MT: Theodore, thank you for your question. In the spirit of universal brotherhood, as you say, I sympathize with your plight.
TS: Merv, could you elaborate on what the government is doing to lower student debt?
MT: We are doing a lot.
TS: Alright, thank you. Moving onto our next question from SinymPhoforpho, @Sinympho. She asks, “I have no job.”
MT: I’m not certain I understand Miss Phoforpho’s question.
TS: I believe Miss Phoforpho is inquiring as to the government’s initiatives on student employment.
MT: Ah, of course. We are engaging with businesses within our community to create more jobs.
TS: Our last question today comes from Karina Kotznetzova, @KKKloveBieber. She asks, “I want to work in the government when I get old. How do I do that?”
MT: I would recommend that Miss Kotznetzova get in contact with my office. I’m certain we can set up an interview time where we can discuss the particulars of working toward a government position.
TS: That concludes our questions. Thank you for your time, Merv.
MT: It’s always a pleasure to speak with my constituents.
Republished from The Swill print edition, Volume 103, Issue 27, April 2, 2013.