The Best Treats of the Season

Glorious, glorious sugar. (Ashlyn Pearce/The Quill)

With tonight being arguably one of the most important in your childhood, we must now reevaluate what Halloween means as an adult. Many would say that dressing up and going to the bar sounds to be a perfect substitute for the time treasured task of trick-or-treating. However, being as Halloween falls on a Tuesday this year, I imagine you already did that over the weekend. Consider something else for this evening. Consider... becoming the adult! (cue scary music and distant scream of horror).

One of the most important things to kids on Halloween is getting candy, but in order for that to happen there needs to be people handing out candy. Let me please, then, outline the benefits of handing out candy to children for you. Firstly, you feel good about yourself because you’ve done a good deed. And secondly (most importantly) you also get to eat the candy. But what kind of candy should you hand out, I hear you asking. To determine that you must decide what kind of person you want to be.

The Concerned Adult: Kids these days are allergic to lots of things and dentists are always complaining about the havoc that sugar wreaks on teeth. Avoid any related problems by being the Concerned Adult and giving out mini packages of raisins. The kids may not love you, but the parents will. By doing this, you are providing a healthy snack free of nuts, dairy, gluten, and
added sugars.

The Nostalgic Adult: This is the kind of person that I am. Rather than cater to unknown restraints, simply hand out the candy that you liked to receive (or still like to eat) the most. This could be peanut butter cups, Rockets, chocolate bars, or anything really. The upside to this is that whatever you don’t hand out to kids, you can happily munch on yourself. And the idea is that if it’s a snack you loved as a kid, then current kids will probably also like it.

The Generous Adult: Everyone remembers that there was always one house that had the best goods on Halloween. For me, this place handed out an entire meal of treats, and I would usually come away with no less than a full sized candy bar, a can of pop, and a snack sized bag of chips. Maybe you’ve found a really good sale at the grocery store, and now you want to give back in the form of making today’s youth hyper beyond your wildest imaginings. I guarantee that the kids will love you, and that the parents will despise your existence.

No matter what kind of adult you choose to be this Halloween, you’ll keep the spirit of the season alive by making a child’s night.

And I should also note: peanut butter cups, Rockets, and Swedish Berries have been deemed “dangerous”. You should bring any of those items to The Quill’s office, and we will properly dispose of them for you.

Happy Halloween!