Valentine’s: you, too, can be sugary-sweet

Nothing says Valentine’s Day like a box of chocolates. (Heverton Woss / Flickr)

Is your pulse racing? Is your vision blurred? Have you lost all desire to see anything but that one special person? Well, you should definitely go see someone. And review those restraining orders, boys and girls!In related news, it’s Valentine’s Day. If you haven’t noticed, this is perhaps the holiday that can cause a lot of controversy – even more than the rest! Do you love it because you’re finally with someone? And you’re probably going to marry them someday? But actually you’ll probably dump them right after Valentine’s Day? Or do you hate the big day of love because you’re a bitter single person? I, the eternal pessimist, have here the overbearingly sweet Heaven Heartwood, our optimist for today, and she’s going to answer some questions on the subject. I hope to discover over the course of our conversation just what these overly hyped-up Valentine’s lovers do to get so happy on a freezing-cold, otherwise-average winter day in February.BP: What’s your favorite part about Valentine’s Day? Other than the day after, where you get to rebel against tradition by purchasing as much marked-down chocolate as your poor stomach may or may not be able to handle?

HH: My favourite part of Valentine’s Day is all the lovey-dovey gooey feelings everyone has for each other! It is the most amazing, magical, fantastic day of the year! We get to unconditionally shower everyone in our lives with the utmost love in sugary, cute ways!

BP: Do any of these sugary ways of loving someone show up on the dessert part of your romantic meal with your one true love for this year?

HH: Oh yes! I’ll have a heart made of those little candy hearts with the sweet phrases on them – and then I’d put it on his plate, so he can read exactly what my feelings for him are!

BP: Do you have a date this Valentine’s Day? Why not? Or, well, why?

HH: I absolutely do have a date for Valentine’s Day! It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world to have a date on Valentine’s Day. There’s nothing better than to have a romantic meal, followed by dessert, and then a romantic evening with flowers, chocolates, and love!

BP: How are you getting ready for Valentine’s Day? A package of Trojans?  Or tissues and boxes of chocolate?

HH:  I’m getting ready for Valentine’s Day by preparing a home cooked meal for my sweetie bear: homemade lasagna, garlic bread, and chocolate fondue for dessert! Candles, romantic music, and some amazing perfume, too.

BP: Describe to me your dream date and your nightmare date. Then explain which is which, please, for those of us without the capacity to tell between them.

HH: My dream date would have to be a night of skating with hot chocolate, followed by a scrum-diddly-umptious meal (maybe spaghetti so we can do the Lady and the Tramp pasta kiss, yay!), followed by a romantic walk in a magical winter wonderland! My nightmare date would be dinner at McDonalds, then boring old action movies. No thanks!

BP: Will you be going out, or staying in? And where’s the best spot to gawk enviously at other couples knee deep in each other’s throats here in Brandon?

HH: We will be doing a bit of both! A romantic, candle-lit dinner with dessert at my house, and then a romantic, magical walk in the beautiful winter wonderland that is Ducks Unlimited. It’s going to be so romantic!

BP: Your plans seem to have a lot to do with food. What are the chances your date’s name happens to rhyme with cholesterol?

HH: That’s a silly question! How better to show your one true love that you love them than to make them a delicious, romantic meal full of your love?

BP: Why do you think others will still be single this Valentine’s Day? What is your advice for them?

HH: Oh, those poor people just haven’t met their one true love yet! They can still have a wonderful, romantic Valentine’s Day too! They can go on a wonderful blind date, watch a romantic movie with other friends, or simply have a glass of wine with a good book! They could also treat themselves to an amazing meal, or a spa day! The sky’s the limit, even if you are single: the world doesn’t revolve around relationships, but love’s still awesome no matter what!

BP: Well, then.  Um.  Thank you so much for your nauseatingly-sweet take on Singles Celebration Day. I’m sure that all the pie, cake, lasagna, chocolates, candy hearts, chocolate fondue and garlic bread will taste wonderful.

HH:  Most certainly. Valentine’s Day is the most wonderful day of the year! Everyone, young and old, big and small, should do something to celebrate it and spread their love around! Don’t worry about how big or small your Valentine’s love is, just give some of it to someone in your life who matters. And don’t be afraid to find your one true love. There is someone out there for everyone! Just smile, and open those big, gorgeous hearts of yours!

There you have it, everyone: an optimist’s and a pessimist’s take on Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re out with your … sweetie-bear … or celebrating alone with a pint (of ice cream or beer; we don’t discriminate), we here at The Quill hope you have a good one.

Republished from The Quill print edition, Volume 103, Issue 21, February 12, 2013.